Confessions of a Wannabe

I just want to know where the easy button is. Has anyone found it?

Sometimes my life feels like such a fog. There’s hundreds of things I want to do, with no means of doing them, lack of motivation, and feeling so overwhelmed I have no idea where to begin. Have I made the right choices so far in life? What if I mess it up?

Damn those people that belittle and judge others. Life is hard enough trying to figure it out on your own. It would majorly suck to have someone breathing down your neck telling you that you are living your life wrong. It does suck.

I get really mad at God sometimes. Not as often as before. I don’t know anymore what I think who or what this entity is that has power over all things, but if he really is some guy sitting up there that decided to take my stepdad away, then a;ldik;nvera him. And then my grandpa three months after? Like my mom wasn’t going through enough pain already? Are you kidding? My stepdad was the only man in my life that I wanted to call dad. I can’t even begin to put into words how I feel, and every time I try, I just break down into tears.

I know anger is part of the grieving process and it’s normal, so I’m not going insane. And for anyone that wants to get on my back for being mad at God, the nun at grief support said God can handle it. So back off.

I feel like I’d be lost if I didn’t exercise. It’s really gotten me through so much. It’s something that I know I am doing right, plus the endorphin high is amazing.

I never imagined I would be buying a house here, but we are. We feel it’s the best thing to do. Some people think we should’ve be moving out of my mom’s. Others say the house is too far or that the particular house we chose is a bad decision. But we like it, we think it’s a great deal, and hey, my mom is even excited for us!

I’m just so tired of other people telling me what I should do! Do they really have their life all figured out so it’s all picture perfect? What does it matter to them what house we buy, what job I have, what causes I believe in? It makes me want to scream. I’m just trying to do my best to live my life the best way I know how.

Sorry, I just really felt like I needed to rant right now.