I’ve been asked a lot of questions by other expectant moms out there, so I thought I’d make a post about some of the challenges I faced and am facing now. Not that I’m an expert on any of these things, by any means, just sharing my experience.

1. Hydration vs Bladder Control

This one is embarrassing. For the first week after delivery, my ability to control my bladder was shot. I had four all out accidents, two which were at the hospital before we came home. Luckily, I was in our bathroom at home for the other two accidents and was able to hop into our walk-in shower so I didn’t pee all over the floor. I also had several close calls and was thankful that I was pretty much wearing a diaper for the first few days after delivery anyway. I became really nervous to drink water, but staying hydrated while breastfeeding is really important, so I felt like there was a constant tug of war going on in my head. I was especially scared of peeing the bed.

It eventually got better though. I started doing my kegels everyday and made sure I was going to the bathroom at least once every two hours, even if I didn’t have to go. I wouldn’t say I have full control of my bladder back just yet, but it’s pretty close now. I’m at least confident enough that I can go out in public without having an accident!

2. Engorgement

My milk came in about three days after giving birth, and boy did it come in! My breasts were so full, our baby couldn’t even get a latch on them. They hurt terribly and were leaking milk like crazy. I finally got the little guy to latch after several tearful hours. After he was done, I got out my breast pump to try for the first time. Wow, did that help! I was able to get them emptied enough that they didn’t hurt and our baby could latch on alright again. I’ve got the milk in the freezer and now I’m building up a supply for when I go back to work.

3. Sleep Deprivation

This one I’m still struggling with. Key advice that I’ve been given, and I’ll give anyone, too – sleep when baby is sleeping! It’s hard when you have visitors, because everyone wants to come see the baby, but you do need to learn to say no. Saying no to people isn’t something that comes easily for me, but if I’m going to be able to take care of the baby, I need to be at least partly rested. I can’t be feeling like a zombie for days on end. I’m just now getting comfortable with saying no. I skipped out on a family birthday dinner to stay home and sleep with the baby last night, and I can say I am very glad that I did. I felt bad not going, but I really needed the sleep. Usually our baby will sleep in the late evening and then be up for part of the night before going back to sleep, so if I don’t get to nap while he’s sleeping in the evening, bed time might not come until 4:00 am.

I think those are the three main things I’ve struggled with since giving birth, and none of them have been horrible. Except for the first time I peed my pants at home. I won’t lie, I cried because I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. My husband helped me find the humor in it though and comforted me. Your body goes through a lot during labor, and it takes some time to get things back to how they were before.

That being said, I am loving motherhood. Still strange for me to think I’m a parent now though, haha.

It still seems surreal, but it’s definitely real. He’s here sleeping in his bassinet next to my bed.

We welcomed our baby to the world on Sunday, March 24th at 11:36 am. He weighed in at 7 lbs 12 oz and was 18.5 inches long. His birth is something I will never forget.

I ended up taking Friday off of work, thinking that my water had broke. I called into the doctor’s office and they told me to go to the OB unit at the hospital. Turns out it was a false alarm though. The fluid was not amniotic fluid, so they sent me home. My husband went to his weekly poker game that night and I went out to dinner and the bowling alley for a friend’s birthday. The next day, Saturday, started off like any other day with my usual braxton-hicks contractions. We started timing them in the evening when they started to get stronger, coming every five to ten minutes. By midnight it was clear I was in labor and we headed to the hospital.

Settling in to sleep through early labor at the hospital.

Although the contractions were regular and painful, I was still in early labor and they gave me an ambien to try and sleep since I was going to have a long day ahead of me. I tried sleeping without the sleep aid first, but that didn’t work, so I ended up taking the pill. I was able to sleep until 6 am, waking up for each contraction and to pee, all while having the strangest dreams.

After I woke up, time flew by. I still was under 3 cm when I woke up, but it didn’t seem long at all before I was at 6 cm! During the earliest part of my active labor I did some walking in the hallway and tried sitting on a birthing ball. I did get sick twice and threw up the water I had been drinking and a popsicle I ate. Since I couldn’t keep my liquids down, they hooked me up to an IV for fluids. I remember asking how long it would be before I was fully dilated when I was at 6 cm, and the nurse told me it was usually about a centimeter an hour. My thought was, Oh god, another four hours?! Not long after the IV was hooked up I was relieved when they told me I was at 9 cm. “So much for a centimeter an hour!”

By far, the most trying part of my labor was from 9 cm to being fully dilated. The contractions were incredibly painful and I felt ready to push and had to fight the urge. I wanted to be done so bad and my legs began to uncontrollably shake. I felt like giving up, but the nurse coaching me kept pushing me to keep going and telling me I could do it. Honestly, I don’t know how I could have gotten through it without her. She was incredible. She helped me to focus, to breathe, and helped give my husband the right cues to help me through it, too. They were both incredible.

First time Mom and Baby meet face to face.

Soon the doctor was there, and after just a half hour of pushing, a baby was born – my baby, our baby. Everything was such a rush, so fast. The nurse, the doctor, my husband, were all telling me to push, telling me breathe, telling me how close I was to being done. An oxygen mask would go over my face and then it would come off when it was time to push. All of a sudden there was a baby on my stomach, then in my arms, and it was the baby I had been carrying for the past nine months. It almost felt like magic. I remember feeling the bottoms of his feet for the first time, rubbing them with my thumb, just like I would when he’d stick his feet out the side of my stomach.

I have to say, I am very happy with my birth experience. In all, since the time we started timing the contractions, it was 18 hours of labor, 12 hours of which was painful labor. Even though it was painful and I almost gave in at the end, I didn’t take any pain medications, which is what I wanted.

Now, daily life is adjusting to revolving around the newest member of our family. We try to sleep when he sleeps and get housework done in the order it needs to be, leaving the small things for last. Baby comes first.

I grew up in a Catholic home and a Christian environment for the most part. It wasn’t until seventh grade that I really began to question the Bible and interrogated my mother and Missionettes leaders on all the technicalities. How could both the Bible and evolution be true? Where were dinosaurs in the Bible? Why was God so harsh and cruel in the Old Testament, but more forgiving and loving in the New Testament? If you needed Jesus to get to heaven, what did the people do before Jesus came to earth? My Missionettes leaders had the answers I was looking for, and that night I prayed so hard to God that I could just know if He and the Bible were really real. I woke up the next morning feeling assured and refreshed that Jesus was my savoir and the Bible was His true Word. And that’s how I felt until about after I graduated college.

I think part of what made me such a good student was that I listened so well. So well, in fact, that I would hardly ever question people that I believed to be in authority and knowledgeable. This not only included teachers, but also pastors, bible study leaders, parents of friends, etc. I left the Catholic church once I was able to in high school and in college I began attending a weekly bible study. Then I found a small Baptist church to attend before I settled in a large and growing non-denominational (and I should add fundamentalist) church where I was re-baptized by submersion.

I never considered myself an extremist, but I called myself a Christian fundamentalist. I believed the Bible was true, word for word. But things started to happen, just here and there, that got me to start thinking. One, my then boyfriend of more than five years (and now husband) had been questioning the existence of God for quite some time and regularly asked me about my faith, how I knew, how I had confidence in my faith. Him trying to understand my faith led me to question my own and try to understand it better myself, but sometimes I could tell I lacked the confidence that I thought I had. Second, I started to notice things that just didn’t sit right with me in my weekly Bible studies. I remember one story in particular where God hardened the heart of someone in order to prove His glory. God intentionally hardened the heart of a person (note that God has supposedly given us all free will) so that they would not accept Him, so that they would not know salvation or Jesus, so that His glory could be proven. This one story stuck out like a nail in everything I had believed and accepted as true, and it really got me thinking. It got me thinking and questioning everything. I started looking at the bible stories I knew so well from different angles and investigating the origins of different religions.

Of course, other life events have occurred, making me question the likelihood of a divine being guiding our lives. The biggest event was the passing of my Step Dad. No words can accurately describe his passing. The unbelievable unfairness of his cancer diagnosis and the progression of his disease. I demanded answers from the god I was already distancing from. How was my Step Father’s sickness, pain, incurable illness….how was any of it justifiable? Where was the good that god was trying to show? To demonstrate? Where was the mercy? Merciful that such a good and honest man be dealt such a bad hand? And for god to see it fit that my Mother, after years of being alone and finally finding true love and happiness, watch her loved one suffer and then be left alone again? Where is god in that?

I was angry at god, even at the notion of an all-knowing, all-loving god. In some ways, I guess I still am. Sometimes, things just happen, and there is no good reason to answer, “Why?”

Maybe this won’t be as long as I thought. In short, I don’t consider myself a fundamentalist anymore. I wouldn’t use the label of Christian, either. I don’t know what I am. Why do we even have to use labels? Life is one big puzzle. No one knows how we really got here. Anything anyone says, they are believing on faith. No one that’s alive right now saw what happened in the beginning. The best we can do is to combine our knowledge, scientific evidence, and life experiences to come up with some explanation that fits us. That’s where I am, trying to figure out life.

I’m so scared of making wrong decisions, and I feel so awfully alone in my fear.

Vegan Layered Bean Dip

Sorry for the blog neglect!!

I’ve been running into a lot of people lately who want to know how I made something or want to know some tips for eating better. Given all the interest, I figured I should start blogging more about what I eat. To start, here’s the layered bean dip that I made for the Super Bowl.

First off, I found the inspiration for this off of Pinterest. Here’s the link to the original recipe that I based mine off of, Layered Bean Dip: Vegetarian Recipe. I made some modifications to mine, but either way, this stuff is delicious. The meat-eaters were too indulged in their queso dip and buffalo wings, so this left the whole dish pretty much to myself. No joke, I ate 3/4ths of it during the game. I was so stuffed, but it was so good. I can attest that a few other people did get to try some and they said it was fantastic, too.

So, here’s how I made it…

1 can refried beans (fat-free = n0 lard)
1/2 c vegetable broth
1/4 c chopped onion
1/4 t minced garlic
1-2 T olive oil
1 package of guacamole (Calavo brand)
1 jar salsa
shredded lettuce
sliced black olives
chopped green pepper (1/4 pepper)
chopped red pepper (1/4 pepper)

First, I sauteed the onions in olive oil until they were nicely cooked. Not all the way to translucent, but until most of the crunch is out of them. I also threw a bit of minced garlic in there, but more towards the end. Next I added the can of refried beans to the pan and stirred it up to mix the onion and garlic in. Once that was mixed, I added the vegetable broth a little bit at the time until I came to the right consistency that I wanted for my dip. I ended up using less than half a cup for this. It may have been more like a third.

The rest is pretty easy. All you have left is to layer in the ingredients to whatever dish you are serving it in. I chose an 8×8 glass pan. First, I put down the bean mix, followed by the guacamole, salsa, shredded lettuce, chopped peppers, and sliced black olives. The only change I would make it to put the lettuce on the top instead of right on the salsa. It can get soggy if you don’t eat it right away. I’d also like to try making it with nutritional yeast added to the refried beans, as I’ve heard this gives a cheesy taste to them.

I honestly am looking for a reason to make this again soon. It’s so delicious and everyone likes a good bean dip.

I whine a lot. Too much. I whine about being frustrated when things aren’t going how I think they should go. I whine about not going to school, not having a job that actually matters to the world, feeling like I don’t have control over the direction of my life..and I am so tired of my whining. So, my resolution for the new year is to stop feeling sorry for myself.

2012 will be one of organization, accomplishment, advancement, and optimism. 2011 was a really hard year. I have no idea of knowing if 2012 will be any easier, but I need to make a better conscious effort to be positive, more relaxed, in control, and make the best of situations.

Goals:

1. Start a petition to get the bottle bill expanded.
2. Learn more yoga.
3. Begin meditating at least weekly.
4. Keep eating healthy and drink more water.
5. Eliminate dairy completely from my diet, with no looking back!
6. Keep a regular exercise schedule.
7. Do the Ore to Shore this summer.
8. Read 12 books.
9. Start getting more politically involved in issues I care about.
10. Learn learn learn.
11. Have fun.

What are your New Year resolutions?

I was never known as the pretty girl growing up. Middle school was brutal, and so was my skin. I distinctly remember when I began breaking out. It was the summer after fourth grade. It was okay though, because I could hide it under my bangs. That didn’t last too long, as it spread to other parts of my face within the next year. I also remember the first time I wore makeup to hide it. I was going to be meeting my then boyfriend’s dad for the first time, and my mom put it on for me. I started wearing concealer the summer between sixth and seventh grade and there began the downward spiral of my self-image.

It wasn’t enough that I was nerdy and actually had a knack for learning and test-taking, but my body decided I also needed to be teased for having acne. Yay. The words “teacher’s pet” or “suck up” didn’t bother me that much. I knew learning and school was important and I really enjoyed it. “Pizza face” was a little different though. So was a classmate’s example of asexuality in biology. He declared to the class that I would have to reproduce asexually because I was so ugly no one would ever want to mate with me. Luckily, I wasn’t in the class to hear it myself and endure the laughter, but I definitely heard about it later from my friends who were in the class. The teasing my sixth grade boyfriend endured because of me was also too much to swallow at times. I later found out from his sister that the teasing was the main reason he wanted to break up with me.

It wasn’t like I didn’t take care of my skin. I washed my face every morning and night. I went to the dermatologist and tried all the latest acne medications. Nothing worked. I remember that damn Channel 1 commercial for Clearasil. “Be clear. The choice is yours.” We had to watch it everyday, and everyday I would just sink in my chair as I felt the whole class was just staring at me, asking why I wouldn’t just use the Clearasil and get clear skin. I emailed Clearasil. I told them if I really did have a choice, I definitely wouldn’t choose to have acne. Their commercial implied it was my fault and that I was just too lazy to fix my acne.

Makeup became the fix that I needed. It didn’t cover everything all the time, but it helped. I felt I looked better, prettier. What began as just an attempt to fit in turned into an obsession. I was ugly without makeup. And of course, all the tv and magazine ads told me that was true, too! I was surrounded with images and messages about what beauty was, and it certainly wasn’t an acne-ridden teenage girl like me.

Fortunately, in late highschool and college my skin began to clear quite a bit. It’s never been 100% clear, but on good days it was close. Since graduating college, I’ve been working hard to reprogram my brain to learn that makeup does not equal beauty. In fact, I stopped wearing makeup on a regular basis for about the past three years now. My skin even seemed to get even better once I stopped wearing makeup. It has, no doubt, been a struggle though. Undoing the belief that I am only pretty with concealer and powder (and then of course you need the mascara and blush) has not been easy. But there’s something very empowering about going out as yourself, how you really are, and being accepted that way by others and yourself.

Still, the emotional scars remain, and every time a breakout returns I just want to run and hide. Every pimple I get screams at me that I will always be ugly, that I’ll never be pretty. It’s such an emotional battle, and one that I feel unable to share or really explain. Though my skin has been better overall for the past six years, it hasn’t been so good lately. I feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall. I don’t even want to leave the house some days. I tried the Murad Acne Complex system, but that didn’t really do anything. I hate that all I can hear when I look in the mirror are the words of kids who (hopefully) didn’t know any better that were said fourteen years ago.

It’s more than just a battle of “Am I pretty?” though. It’s a battle of “Am I worth anything?” When you are continuously surrounded by negativity about yourself, you begin to question your self-worth. But no one’s self-worth should ever be up for question. I’m not really sure what the exact point was in writing all this out. I feel like I just needed to get this off my chest, to remind myself that I am strong and it is just acne. It doesn’t make me any less of a person. If there was a point though, it would be this: Everyone is worth something. No matter how negatively you see yourself or how negatively others treat you, you are still a human being of value, and that matters. No one deserves to live life hiding inside themselves, too afraid of what the world thinks of them to actually experience all they want and all that life has to offer. Life is incredible, mysterious, and short. No matter how hard it is sometimes, don’t let your life be cheated.

Check out this video put together behind the Humane Myth and what they have to say about cage-free.

We hear the terms “cage-free” or “free-range” and we see images of open fields and barns, where chickens can run around at free will and do what it is that chickens do. The harsh reality is that a vast majority of these farms are factory farms, too, just like Sparboe Farms. Profit is their number one concern, not animal welfare. Remember those Perdue and Tyson chickens on Food Inc.? Those chickens were cage-free. Cage-free basically means that the barn (if you can really call it a barn) is free of the cages. Everything else is still the same.

No argument can convince me that battery cages are not inhumane, but I do not buy the argument that cage-free means everything is a-okay.

Cage-free does pose advantages over battery cages that shouldn’t be ignored. Chickens are able to move around, stretch their wings, and nest, all things which they are unable to do in a traditional battery cage. However, these chickens are not safe-guarded against having their beaks trimmed, lack of space, improper care, employee/worker mistreatment, and basically everything else that caged-chickens face. I don’t think that simply going cage-free is enough. Why stop short?

The next time you go to buy eggs, why not try buying from a local farm where you will be able to meet the chickens and see their living conditions? You’ll have peace of mind, know the direct source of your food, and support local farming. If you have the space, perhaps you can even consider getting your own egg-laying hen.

The more I know, the more I learn, the more reason I find not to support factory farms, or even animal products in general. If I want to have an egg, I want to know that the chicken that laid it is well taken care of and lives a good chicken life. Unless I’m super picky with where my food comes from and what’s in it, I won’t be happy with my dinner plate.

Sparboe Eggs at the Local Grocery Store

Mercy for Animals came out with undercover video showing FDA violations and animal cruelty acts at farms owned by Sparboe Farms, the fifth largest egg producer in the nation and the main supplier of eggs for McDonald’s. I’ve linked to the video below, but I’ll forewarn you that some of it is graphic. The undercover video was given to ABC who did their own special news coverage, including 20/20 and World News with Diane Sawyer episodes.

The video was released on the site McDonald’s Cruelty and I’ve seen multiple updates on my Facebook News Feed of people declaring they will never eat at McDonald’s again, though McDonald’s (along with Target) has already cut ties with the giant egg supplier. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not endorsing McDonald’s or saying that they aren’t to take any blame, but shouldn’t people be rallying against the egg supplier, too? It’s good to take action when something moves you, but I haven’t seen one update saying they will no longer buy Sparboe Eggs, which are sold right down the street and around the corner at the local grocery store. Sparboe and IGA are the two main and cheapest egg brands offered here.

I checked out the Sparboe website after watching the Mercy for Animals video and found their response to be rather interesting. The President, Beth Sparboe Schnell, had both a written letter and video on the site addressing the undercover video. She wrote:

I was deeply saddened to see the story because this isn’t who Sparboe Farms is. Acts depicted in the footage are totally unacceptable and completely at odds with our values as egg farmers. In fact, they are in direct violation of our animal care code of conduct, which all of our employees read, sign and follow each day.

Upon learning of the video, Sparboe Farms launched a comprehensive internal investigation. We have completed many interviews and reviewed audits, records and training documents. We have identified four employees who were complicit in this disturbing activity and they have been terminated. Management changes have taken place, and our investigation is ongoing. We will hold any others involved accountable for their actions. We are documenting all corrective actions taken.

Their animal care code of conduct states that hens must be given the following “five essential freedoms”:

1. Freedom from hunger and thirst
2. Freedom from discomfort
3. Freedom from pain, injury, or disease
4. Freedom to express normal behavior
5. Freedom from fear and distress

I have a question for Mrs. Sparboe Schnell. After you have terminated the employees who committed the acts of animal cruelty, how do you guarantee that your hens have freedom from discomfort, pain, fear, distress, and the freedom to express normal behavior when their beaks are burned off and they are stuffed in battery cages that barely give them enough room to turn around or stretch their wings? Where they can become entangled and injure themselves? But according to Ken Klippen, the Executive of Sparboe Farms, the housing conditions of the hens are “absolutely not” cruel. In fact, Sparboe’s facilities are “state-of-the-art.” Tell that to the FDA that cited Sparboe for unsanitary conditions, including insects, rodents, and dead chickens, which can all lead to salmonella. Salmonella bacteria is commonly transferred to chickens from rodent feces, but Sparboe maintains that it has never once had a chicken or egg infected with salmonella.

These kind of events aren’t isolated either. It’s not like Sparboe Farms is the only factory farm with problems. All of them have problems. Remember the salmonella outbreak in eggs just last year? Two farms in Iowa, Hillandale Farms and Wright County Egg, that recalled eggs due to salmonella contamination, were found in serious violation of FDA regulations. Not only are these filthy and terrible living conditions bad for the chickens, but they are bad for our health. We should not be supporting practices that put profit before human and animal health and safety. These factory farms like to operate in secrecy for a reason. As the saying goes, if they had glass walls, we would all be vegetarians.

Links to the undercover video and others of interest:

• Mercy for Animals’ Undercover Video: McDonald’s Cruelty: The Rotten Truth About Egg McMuffins
• Sparboe Farm’s Response to Undercover Video: Sparboe Update
• ABC Video (11/18/2011): McDonald’s Drops Large McMuffin Egg Supplier
• ABC’s Copy of McDonald’s and Target’s Statements: McDonald’s, Target Statement on Egg Farm Investigation
• ABC Video (8/30/2010): Filthy Iowa Farms Linked to Contaminated Eggs

So I’m interested in knowing, are you going to do anything different with what eggs you eat?